All-consuming LOVE

My baby girl is soundly sleeping in her grandmother's arms downstairs, so her mama is taking a few moments to share reflections from the past nine days of Susannah's life. I confess I have no idea where to begin, so I hope the ideas start flowing as I start to type. I anticipate a flood of tears as I attempt this processing...

The past nine days have been the BEST of my whole life. Susannah has given Harry and me more joy than we could ever have imagined. I have always been a lover of little ones. As a little girl, I played with baby dolls until I could "borrow" the real thing through baby-sitting. My college education focused on the developmental and learning needs of young children, and I have spent years teaching them and working with their families. Most of my friends have babies of their own, and I have spent time with their growing families and heard them expound upon the joys and challenges of motherhood. Seasoned mothers, Hallmark cards, Pampers commercials, nursery furniture ads, and even onesies tout the incredible emotions that come with motherhood. But, until our Susannah emerged from my womb in her beautifully helpless state, I had no idea how my life would change, and how all-consuming this love for her would be. (let the tears begin to flow...!)

It is the kind of love that can only be describe as FIERCE. It is the kind of love that would lead you to die for your child without a second thought. It is the kind of love that gives one a very small glimpse into what God's love for each of His children must be like. It is the kind of love that causes you to move mountains to ensure her well-being. It is the kind of love that goes beyond the physical and emotional and reaches deep into the spiritual...the kind that makes your heart ache to think about ever living without her because you NEED her. Besides loving and worshiping God, Susannah is the highest calling, the deepest dreaming, the most extreme purpose that the Lord could give us this side of Heaven. Shepherding her life has been a privilege from the very beginning, and I adore her.

This love makes a mama unable to feel hunger until her little one's tummy is full. It makes a mama push aside overwhelming tiredness to scoop up that helpless life in the middle of the night for the tenth time. It makes it hard to care for oneself at all, actually. Personal need is redefined to the extent that I need reminders to eat and sleep! The world could fall away and I don't think I would notice. I watch this baby sleep peacefully in my arms and I am flooded with a gratitude beyond any I have ever experienced. I give daily nourishment to her from my own body and am confident that this is God's perfect plan for our family. I see her absorbing the world through her increasingly alert little eyes and other senses, and I see everything differently. She is absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and loving her is easy. Mothering her is as natural as breathing because of that love. I can only describe it as the hardest yet most effortless endeavor I have ever embarked upon.

A dear friend made Susannah a "dance music" CD full of sweet lullabies and praise and worship songs that we have been listening to during many of our nursing, rocking, and cuddling times. The lyrics in one particular song speak to my heart in such a way that I weep each time I hear it and look at my baby girl:

"Life begin when I saw your face,
and I hear your laugh like a serenade.

How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough, is forever enough?
How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough,
'Cause I'm never, never giving you up."

When I consider how all-consuming my love for Susannah Joy is, I begin to wonder if perhaps the feelings are too strong. Then I am reminded that God's intention is for EVERY baby--every precious human life that He creates--to receive this kind of love from his or her mama and daddy. Oh, that every child on earth would know this unquenchable fondness and inexhaustible adoration! That is my heartcry each time I look at our Susannah.

Coming soon...our labor and delivery story. But it may take a few days to get it on here, so bear with me!!! I will do more pictures later today when I download and sort the latest set...91 just in the past two and a half days! Oh, my...