"How deep the Father's love for us...

Look how chunky our girl is starting to get! 'Tis a sign of good, good Mama Milk!


Precious, precious one...


Our Susannah is a strong little thing! During tummy time, when her energy is still fresh, she will hold her little strawberry head up for 5-10 seconds, looking around with her big, beautiful eyes.
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...how vast beyond all measure!"

Susannah and I were listening to this traditional hymn, redone by Christian artist Nichole Nordeman, this morning as I gently swayed her to sleep in my arms. The song brought me to tears as I held our sweet girl and I came to the realization, yet again, that as much as I love Susannah, God loves me and her and ALL of His children soooooo much more.

Having a baby has been, for me, a deeply spiritual experience. Perhaps this comes from participating in God's creation of new life. Perhaps it is fueled by nurturing one that has indeed been "fearfully and wonderfully made," and so recently, too. And perhaps it is completely inspired by the overwhelming love that wells up within me and threatens to overflow on a daily basis as I look at our baby and watch her grow and develop in my very own arms. Oh, how deep a mama's love for her child! How vast beyond all measure!

I am grateful that the Bible tells us, in Isaiah 40:11, about God's perfect provision and protection for mamas and babies:

"He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young."

Being a new mama leaves one so vulnerable. I spend most of my days and nights now giving our lamb nourishment, keeping her clean and dry, and soothing her when she is upset or sleepy. I often question whether or not I am doing the right things for her: Am I scooping her up too quickly when she cries? Should my heart feel as though it's going to shatter when she has real tears falling from her innocent blue eyes? Do I hold her too long and too often? Is she getting enough to eat? Is that a normal infant "sputter" or sneeze, or is it a sign that she is becoming sick, despite all I have done to keep her little world as pristine as possible?

So many questions haunt a new mama's heart and mind at times, threatening to absorb the enjoyment from these precious early days. I am astounded at what a walk of faith motherhood is for me, just as it was for my own mother almost 30 years ago. Did she have these same questions about me? Did she feel vulnerable as she cared for her helpless new infant? Did she experience this same breathtaking, life-giving love for me that I do for Susannah--the kind that keeps me joyfully afloat through nights of little sleep and days of selfless and often monotonous caretaking? I am certain that she did.

When the misgivings and fears set in, I lift this baby again and again to the One who freshly made her, to the One who has her days and mine numbered, to the One who loves her more than I could ever, ever fathom. And I trust that He does tend His flock perfectly, answering the cries and comforting the timid hearts of His lambs because of His deep and boundless love for us.



Such a BLESSING to look at this gorgeous face all day, everyday!


While I folded clothes in the living room the other night, Susannah waited peacefully on her Boppy for me...falling fast asleep in the process! What a content little angel we have...


Susannah is having longer periods of wakefulness, and is, for the most part, falling naturally into a schedule of eat, wake time, sleep. We LOVE her wakeful periods, which can last anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes. We are working to fit these playtimes into the daylight hours rather than the nighttime ones. So far we're having some success, but as is the case with most teeny-tinies, scheduling takes time! And fighting that infant sleep cycle is about the hardest thing either of us have ever tried to do!


Susannah's eyes are so very busy during her wakeful periods. She seeks out our faces, looking into our eyes for several seconds at a time (she is probably perceiving them only as dark spots on our faces, but it is exciting to see that she notices a difference!) . She has also begun to visually track our faces and hands as we move them by her. Such a relational dollbaby we have!


Getting sleepy...enough wake time for now. When she is done "playing," Susannah will look away from us and start to fuss just the littlest bit, indicating that she needs all stimulation to cease. She will often fuss just a bit more as we comfort her to sleep by dancing or rocking or laying her on one of our chests until she drifts off. She LOVES the closeness of Mama and Daddy, and we love responding to this need by providing just that!


We took our darlin' out in her Baby Bjorn the other night for a walk around the block. Doesn't Daddy look so proud sporting his sweet love?! It is sort of hard to see Susannah, but she is indeed in there (the proof is in the arms and legs!).


A perspective picture...a [crying] baby on the couch! How tiny she looks...


Mama catches some sleep (pillow prints on her cheeks and all), while Susannah looks on. Luckily, this isn't often the case! Susannah does a whole lot more sleeping than either Mama or Daddy :)


Snuggled up next to my Mama in the big bed...


What a beautiful girl we have! This outfit has a matching hat...we'll have to put it on her next time she wears it and get her picture in it. Dressing our "living doll" has been one of the highlights of mothering for me! What a wardrobe this chickie has!

Days gone by...

Susannah's second day of life...with Mama and Grammy (Lacey's mom)

OK...so not that many days have gone by, but as a Mama I am feeling soooooo bittersweet about the fact that we have a THREE-WEEK-OLD!!!! I can hardly believe our Baby Strawberry is growing up so quickly! I love her more and more each day, and I get so excited to think about the coming smiles and giggles and coos...but it saddens me that we will only pass this way once with this baby girl.


I am praising God that I am able to savor every minute of this "time of tiny-ness" with our Susannah, because everyone has told me how quickly it will go. I often struggle to stay in the moment, but have found that walking through infertility, IVF (which must be taken day-by-day and no more than that), and pregnancy have taught me much: much about focusing on the present...much about capturing and engraving in my mind the little specks of precious details that make up the good things in life...much about thanking God for the inevitable lifelong coexistence of joys and challenges. Caring for and thoroughly loving an infant requires me to do all of these things and so much more!


As a tribute to Susannah's three week "birthday," I have decided to post a few more pictures from our time in the hospital June 4 through June 7.


Daddy and his new girl


Pop (Lacey's dad) and Susannah

Daddy, Pop holding Susannah, and Mama


Snuggling...


Grandparents for the second time in just over three months!


So proud of his daughter

Good things come in...... threes???

Hi gang!

I was pondering this important expression that "good things come in" and to complete the statement, I came up with the word "three". Before you start rolling your eyes, allow me to state my evidence.

God in 3 parts -- the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit!

Susannah is 3 weeks old. (Of course I had to start with Baby Strawberry! Well, I know I started with God, but you can't ignore God. So after God, I started with Susannah - OK !?!)

In the name Susannah, there are 3 pairs of letters - s, a, and n. (Coincidence? I think not!)

Wouldn't you know it, even the nickname "Baby Strawberry" has 3 b's and 3 r's.

Susannah likes to poop in 3 stages - the precursor, the main event, and the aftershock! Only after the 3rd stage will I consider changing her diaper. (unfortunately, Lacey has not learned this lesson yet. To teach her, Susannah had to poop on her hand 3 times yesterday out of 5.)

I am 33 years old today. (yes, thank you)

In 3 days, it will be 3 days and 3 weeks to go to celebrate our 7 year anniversary. (I told you not to roll your eyes till I was done!)

When I turned on my computer, I had 3 unread emails and 3 programs that were running. (hey, I didn't plan this one!)

In about 3 minutes, my stomach will rumble which means I will need to do 3 things -- go to the bathroom, get dressed, and then go eat.



So there you have it --- good things come in THREES! I have presented my case. You be the judge, jury, and executioner of my sentence! (Hey look at that -- another set of 3!) You can think I'm sleep deprived to the brink of insanity or have a knack for noticing these things.

Hope you all are doing well!

The Many Delightful Aspects of Our Sweet Strawberry

Tiny foot against Daddy's hand




Sweet face!






Watching Daddy




Getting sleepy...






Mama loves that little girl...






Teeny feet





Snuggled up in my big fluffy towel after my bath






Watching my Daddy, the best baby bather in all the world!




Time for my lotion!


Susannah's little fist in Daddy's big, big hand





Sleepy girl





Resting on Uncle Seth (Lacey's younger brother




Playing with Uncle Seth and Natalie, who visited on Thursday


Mama dresses me in sweet frilly things. This is what I get to wear when Daddy dresses me while Mama sleeps in. The man can't be trusted.





Time for a bath on the kitchen counter!



Mama loves this baby in pale pink!





Tiny little fingers...






Trying to fall asleep on Daddy's shoulder



Many of you have asked if Rylie's life has changed since Susannah's arrival. Does it look like Rylie's life has changed since Susannah's arrival?! (This is OUR bed, by the way!)






Susannah and I enjoy these milder days so that we can rest on the hammock and let the breeze blow on us. Fresh air is so good for mamas and babies!



Sitting with Mama in the hammock



Wearing my sweet pink overalls from Kristin




Our little "wild thing"! In her sleep wiggles, Susannah often unswaddles herself, scoots to the bottom of her sleep positioner, moves her bolsters, and in the process discombobulates her sleep sack!




Late night chats with Daddy... Harry is a professional swaddler, having perfected the technique through many experiences in the hospital. Some of his proudest moments as a new daddy were when he could get our baby so tightly swaddled that you could bounce her off the hospital bed! Kidding! Both of us were a bit [laughingly] annoyed with our nocturnal girl a few nights back when she had been up for three solid hours just hanging with us. Each time we thought she was asleep, we put her into the bassinet, only to have her fuss in two minutes. Finally, at around 3am, I let her fall asleep on my chest, right next to my heart. She will actually SEEK OUT my heartbeat! Sooooooo precious...




Sooooo...I've spent the past two days feeling like a MILK MACHINE!!!! As a friend's husband (a father of three young sons) said last night on the phone, "You become boobs with feet." No kidding, Jim! That's well put! Now that Susannah is nursing, she LOVES IT! And I think she would spend her every living, breathing minute attached to my breast if I didn't occasionally pry her sweet rosebud mouth from it :) Funny thing is that I don't mind it a bit! I love sitting with her, holding her, feeling her soft skin against me, watching her fall asleep at the breast. It is the most relaxing, most satisfying commitment I have ever made, besides becoming a mama.


I must admit that I did struggle with some selfishness just now, though, because I fed and settled the baby, and was sitting down to reflect and post pictures at long, long last...when she decided she wanted more milk! I had to remind myself that she is my first and only priority in this season, so the blogging and the bathrooms and the laundry will just have to wait (or be done by my Wonder Husband!).


Over the past two-and-a-half weeks, Harry and I have delighted in watching all that our little Strawberry can do, from her sounds to her movements to her facial expressions. We have seen quite a few patterns in each of these areas, and have even come up with some names for the ones that show up again and again.

The Woodpecker--When Susannah becomes hungry, not only does she root and stick her hands into her mouth, she also frantically bops her little head back and forth in search of Mama's breast. With her eyes opened brightly and her mouth opened wide, she looks ADORABLE doing this! Instead of feeding her immediately, we often sit and laugh at her. How cruel...


The OOOOOOOHHHHH!--Often when she is looking around, she will round her sweet mouth...to the point that her lips become white because she squeezes them so hard! If we're lucky, she'll even cross her little eyes while making the "OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!" face. This is our FAVORITE, and though it looks goofy, we kinda hope it stays around for a while!


The Monkey-Handed Breast Wrestler--Susannah is a strong little thing...and she becomes a flailing little maniac (though not necessarily a crying one) when put in the cradle position to breastfeed. For the first week or so of her life, I actually needed a second person to hold her wild little hands out of the way so that I could access her mouth! It has taken me over two weeks, but I have gained the ability to singlehandedly position her hands out of the way of her mouth and face...for the most part. Poor little thing...she wants to eat so badly, but doesn't realize she's the one keeping herself from doing just that! It's hard to be two-and-a-half weeks old...

The Lip Purse and Pout--When our girl is done eating, she is DONE EATING! And she makes it quite clear: when I stroke her lips to see if she will root for more, she purses them tightly, and then quickly goes into a pout. Oooh, Mama loves that pushed-out lower lip! She has no inkling of taking in more milk at that point (but that doesn't guarantee she won't change her mind in five minutes!).

The Nose Latch--If you lean too closely to her precious little face, she will lunge at you and latch onto your nose and begin to suck! The question I keep asking myself: Why does she do that to Mama's nose so readily, but didn't do it to Mama's breast quite so well in the beginning?! I guess she missed the breastfeeding class that we took...


Overall, Susannah is an endearing, mellow little baby who almost never fusses without clear reason. She will cry when she has a need, but other than that she is content to sleep, look around, swing, stroll, dance, and snuggle with Mama and Daddy (she's getting a LOT of practice at this last one!). She is sooooo alert and engaged when she is awake. She really seeks out our eyes and responds when we talk to her by turning to our voices. She loves to be swaddled when she sleeps, and does not like her diaper changed. She has begun to enjoy her baths, often relaxing to the point where she pees and poops when we're really lucky! We are loving every minute with our dollbaby....our long-awaited Baby Strawberry.

Such a great Daddy!

Having a child inevitably changes a marriage, as so many who have gone before have told us. I am especially grateful for these changes, because in just two short weeks Harry and I have been transformed in beautiful ways by Susannah Joy's arrival into our lives. We are experiencing a new type of intimacy...one that is rooted in th beautiful common bond that is our daughter. We are experiencing a new type of love...one that is new and overwhelming, one that drives you to levels of self-sacrifice for her and for each other that you never imagined possible. We are experiencing a new type of joy...one that is present even in those stressful and exhausting moments of parenting a helpless, needy infant.

I have seen a new side to my husband of almost seven years, and I am so grateful for him. I love him so much more than ever before! He has become a selfless servant to me and to our daughter. Susannah and I are so dependent on him much of the time, and he comes through for us again and again without complaint! He gently and tirelessly cares for us, to the point where we'd be nothing without him!

Susannah and I are thankful for a Daddy/husband who:

--gently changes diapers, bathes, rocks, dances with, sings to, dresses, kisses, and strolls our precious blessing

--makes Mama breakfast in bed after a wearying night...delicious homemade buttermilk pancakes topped with peaches and blueberries!

--relishes those moments when Susannah is awake and savors the soft warmth of her on his chest and in his arms when she is asleep

--refills my water from the pitcher in the fridge a zillion times a day (nursing does make one thirsty!) and brings me granola bars and cookies and other snacks while I am resting or nursing

--admits that he can't imagine life without this precious little girl

--loves my post-partum body and all its many facets of recovery and remnants of the pregnancy, because it is proof that we have brought life into this world together...that my body has fulfilled the purpose for which God has created it

--takes one of Susannah's nighttime feedings (actually, it's an early, early morning feeding that he's been doing!) so that I can sleep 5-6 solid hours...and does photo shoots of her during this time since she's pretty perky at this hour of the dawn! Ah, his excitement when he captures just the right facial expression at just the right angle... :)

--delights in the fact that our baby looks so much like him, especially in her eyes and nose and red hair!

--shares his tender, overflowing heart with the readers of our blog

--spends his days tending to the bodily functions and needs of his THREE girls...because we have a doggie, too! (We are grateful that Daddy is off for the summer...teaching is a great, great job for our family, especially this year!)

--spends hours and hours over two days attempting to fix a toilet that resists all intervention...yet he perseveres!

--cleans the kitchen and tidies up our home before visitors come (and before his wife has a breakdown at the piles of stuff that have so quickly evolved!), and tends the yard even when he is ready to drop

--assigns formal name labels to our baby's facial expressions and movements, laughing and "awwwww-ing" as she does them

--reminds me to care for myself so that I can be a better Mama to our sweet Susannah Joy

I am sooooooo blessed to have such a remarkable servant-minded husband, and Susannah is blessed to have such a tender-hearted daddy!

More pictures...

I slept for almost six straight hours this morning, which was wonderful! I was feeling sooooo incredibly tired during Susannah's two nighttime feedings, that by 7am when she woke again (after her 4am feeding), I "passed the buck" to Harry, who finger-and-syringe fed her some pumped hindmilk. When I awoke a bit after 10am, my breasts were as hard as rocks! Thank God for breast pumps to take the edge off the engorgement quickly! Ah, but the trade-off was worth it...I am now refreshed and ready to face another day as Susannah's mama.

Here are some pictures from the past few days. I know these are much more fun than all the written reflections, but I am addicted to written reflections so you'll all just have to bear with me! I love chronicling these early days and try to do it whenever I have a free and salient moment!

Our little lion baby! I was taking a picture of Susannah yesterday morning while Harry was holding her, and as the shutter clicked, she yawned, leaving this ferocious expression for posterity!


Looking at Daddy...


Time for a bubble...ooooh! Feels better!


So tiny in my daddy's arms


Mama holds her sweet full-tummied baby doll


Changing time is the best opportunity for talking and playing. We savor these special moments!


Susannah is becoming more and more alert with each passing day. We LOVE watching her grow!


Mama's favorite time with her sweet Susannah is those quiet moments during and after her feedings. What a precious opportunity to provide for and love this little miracle!


Ooooh, I could just eat this snuggly girl up!


June 8--A surprise visit from our dear friends the Roops (Jaime, Jason, and their two girls Julia and Callie), who went two hours out of their way driving from their Alabama home to PA for a visit with Jason's sister and husband, was such a gift! Mama especially loved showing off her new baby girl :)


Sweet girls! Julia played outside with Rylie in the evening heat, while Callie looked on. We loved seeing these precious ones even briefly, especially since they live so far away.


Sacked out on Daddy's chest


Sweet baby in a ruffly white sack


Precious moments spent nursing...